My Journey with Military Sexual Trauma

During my military career, I stumbled upon some things that I never thought would cross my mind or would even become apart of my daily life. Healing from a military sexual assault; has been my biggest journey and continues to be for me daily. Living with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a challenge and is hard for many to accept. Self Care and Mental Health Care are two things that I was not good with or knew how to approach. I was ashamed of my assault and couldn't get help from the Command I was told to depend on and trust. The guilt and shame lead me to alcoholism, with a lot of patience with myself and practice plus weekly therapy sessions (more like "life coach" sessions) then I developed a meaning of what my self worth is and was supposed to feel like. 

My life came crashing down around me and I found myself divorced and in an abusive relationship. So I did the one thing best for me and my children and I ran for our lives. I went into survival mode. Without my former military training and determination then I wouldn't be here today without many mentors to help guide me. With help from a great therapist, clinical hours, workshops, or trauma classes with other survivors, then I was able to heal.  I learn and grow every day. This journey will never end and that is a new item to adjust too in ones life.

I fully support everyone to have a strong support system so when times in your life are difficult then you will be able to feel comfortable opening up to someone about your assault. My journey began with my Service Officer and DAV is who guided me through that process. I didn't feel I could do this alone because I was so ashamed of myself over the entire incident. I tried so hard to forget, that I almost planned my own death. By almost dying; this will open your eyes in more ways than one. I hid mine for almost a decade and allowed it to rip my whole world apart until the point I was homeless, was a single mom with four children, and everyone depended on her. I learned humility and true pain and loss. I overcame great feats and achieved a level of appreciation for myself. I learned patience, listening, and understanding. 

Most of all, I learned the meaning of sacrifice. This has helped me become a good problem solver, veteran, mother, sister, aunt, wife, or friend. I have become the determined person who can work well under high stress and pressure. Not that I enjoy the stress, but I just want to help each person achieve THEIR OWN greatness and be the best they can be. It's OK to NOT be OK sometimes...Remember that always!